Cleaning

Some days I feel like such a housewife and others, well you know. I managed to clean the main floor (dusting, vacuuming, moping, cleaning toilets, counters, etc.) in just about an hour. The actual cleaning never takes that long once I start but I have such a mental block about starting. I also like to have at least a 3 hour block to devote to cleaning, but haven't had that in two weeks. So, since feet were starting to stick to the kitchen floor...

A lot of cleaning time is really just picking up, if I could just get the kids to pick up after themselves, life would be better. In September, I did a major declutter but I noticed things are starting to junk up again. It's mostly stuff being thrown in the laundry room or on the dining room table rather than being put away.

I'll get to it, after Christmas? We'll see.

STEPS!!!!!!!!!!!

I've heard reports of Nicky taking steps but never seen it. He's been getting to standing without holding onto anything and is very solid. Today, at a birthday party, I saw him take 3 small steps and then 2 more. YAY! He may be ambulatory one of these days.

Rainy night in Georgia

Happy Happy Dance. But, now the governor can gloat.

Another Milestone

Nicky has more or less figured out how to work the VCR/DVD combo deck we have. He figured out how to push the tape back in a while ago. But now he knows how to turn on the t.v. put the tape in and put a DVD in. And how to switch from tape to DVD and back again.

Important life skills for sure.

Stability

Tonight Nicky got to standing from kneeling. He's getting so steady on his feet surely he'll be walking soon. He can stand unsupported for minutes at a time (a goal from when he was 18 months old). And walk holding onto one hand. His teacher had him walking holding onto a straw.

Laundry Tip - Not

All summer we've (well mostly I) been having trouble with smelly, mouldy towels. Didn't want to use bleach because these were the kids' towels and they were brightly colored, also bleach seems to leave my towels a bit stiff feeling. After a bit of surfing, ask Dr. Google, I found a suggestion to use white vinegar in the rinse water to get rid of the stink. It works mostly.

But,

Don't accidently add it to the bleach dispenser instead of the fabric softener dispenser.

It adds the vinegar in with the soap, not the rinse water.

Resulting in lots and lots and lots and lots of suds. So much they were coming out the soap dispenser.

Also, don't then add the vinegar to the fabric softener dispenser in addition to vinegar you've already put in.

Three or maybe four cycles later my towels are really clean.

Carrying a little piece of them

Earlier, I read this article about fetal microchimerism perhaps helping to protect women from breast cancer. During pregnancy a small number of fetal cells cross into a woman's bloodstream and take up residence in the mother's body. This is known as fetal michrochimerism. These cells persist for years after pregnancy probably for the rest of the mother's life. Somehow, this idea delights me. I find it comforting that I will always carry small bits of all my children. Just a geek, I guess.

Oh, and maternal cells cross into the fetus, so our children carry little bits of us too.

Down Syndrome Awareness Month

Did you know that October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month?
It is. In honor of it I signed my family up for the Atlanta Buddy Walk.

Oh, and what's with the button? Trish over at Unringing the Bell has issued a challenge to bloggers to blog every day in October in honor of Down Syndrome Awareness. I'll try. We'll see if I make it.

Decluttering and UFOs

I've been busy de-cluttering lately. My house really needs, my life really needs it..

My totals so far:
7 bags to St. Vincent de Paul, my clothes, kid clothes & toys and some household goods
4 bags of trash, broken toys, etc.
2 bags of plastic junk recycled
1 box of clothes to a consignment sale, netted $39.41

In the course of de-cluttering, I came across this:


It was started by my great-grandmother in the 1940s, my grandmother did some of the quilting as did my mom and I was working on it. But, I'm not sure whether to look at it as a family heirloom or a symbol of the inter-generational baggage we all pass down to our kids.

I come from a long line of hoarders. When my grandfather died in 1981, my parents donated chemical engineering journals from the 1950s to the '80s to the college where my grandfather had taught. Don't know if the college actually kept them or were polite. My other grandmother had a story about visiting her prospective in-laws for the first time and having to navigate through piles of old newspapers. Her mother questioned the wisdom of marrying into such a family.

Sigh, sometime I think it's a losing battle.

Next to tackle the basement storeroom, where, not kidding, there is an old furnace we kept because it was only 8 years old and we might someday use it. Now, it's 17 years old and we have to pay to have it hauled away. Scary, really really scary...

A Milestone of Sorts

Came home from to Church to find out that Nicky had managed to lock himself in the powder room while we were gone. Didn't think he had the fine motor skills to turn the lock. Guess the fun is beginning.

Daisy Fenced a Turtle

The other morning Daisy was barking furiously at the fence out back. Nate & I went out to find this poor turtle trying to get through the fence.

She (at least Nate thought she was a she based on eye color) decided to try between the next set of pickets:

No luck there either...

Nate ended up giving her a helping hand

Happy Birthday Nicky!

Blow out the candles

I did it!

What could that be?

Wow! I'm Woody

Yipeee!

Ready for the Gun fight, where's my gun?

Name Calling

The other night we were at our neighborhood pool. There was a father there with three boys, ages roughly 2, 4 & 6. Towards the end of the evening Nicky and the 4 y.o. were on the tennis courts chasing each other around. Nicky was growling and the boy was laughing. The 6 y.o. then joined them and started calling Nicky "idiot" and the 4 y.o. joined in with "poopyhead." As I was about to intervene the father came and grabbed both boys, berated the boys in the tone of voice usually associated with times when your kids have totally mortified you. After a few minutes of lecturing the father bought the boys over and they apologized to both Nicky & me.

Nicky was oblivious and had thought it was all just good fun. I, on the other hand, was very upset, visibly, so that I couldn't do much more than thank the boys for apologizing. If Nicky was a typical kid, the incident probably would have passed without notice or perhaps escalated with Nicky hurling his own insults. But, he's not, and this is the first time, I've experienced unpleasantness on his behalf.

Could the incident have been handled any differently? The boys' father was so furious I'm not sure they understood why their father were so angry. Not having overheard what he said to the, did he explain that Nicky has a disability? Should I have said anything? And, how to prepare for the next unpleasantness of this sort?

What we found in the garden

First Day of School

O.K., so I didn't post this on the first day of school, and it's now been six weeks but, it's my blog.

First Nicky got on his bus:


Then we walked Nate to school:


And M.E. almost missed her bus, or so we thought (it comes around a second time at the specified time)

Vacation

Miles: 2236
Days away: 13
States: 5
Times Nate climbed Mt. Pisgah: 5
Kids: 3
Dogs: 1 (Daisy)
Dead batteries: 1
Strained backs: 1(mine)

Before school started we made our annual trek to Michigan. A few days in Ann Arbor at Grandma's house, a week on Beaver Island and a few more days at Grandma's. Beaver Island is one of my all time favorite places on earth. My father is buried there and we went on our honeymoon there. It's a bit quirky,once home to a colony founded by Mormon, "King" James Strang with a year round population of about 300 which swells to 10 times that in the summer, things definitely operate on island time. Because it is somewhat difficult to get to there is a lot of unspoiled beauty. My family started visiting when I was in college and it's now become the trip my kids look forward to every year.


A family of turkeys strolling accross the front yard


Nate preparing to climb Mt. Pisgah again


We left a treasure in the tree for our friends Katie, Laura, Scott, and Matthew


Enjoying the sun and sand


Even Grandma and Daisy enjoyed the beach

One step forward, two steps back

(or Nothing is as easy as it first seems)

First things I have learned in toilet training Nicky:

1. Nicky can hold his urine for over two hours or until underwear or a diaper are put on.


2. Dogs are good at cleaning up BM and seem to like the taste.


3. While his siblings enjoy potty humor they are grossed out by potty accidents.


4. Warm water on hands really does trigger urination.


5. Staying home most of the day is really boring.

I've been letting Nicky hang out around the house bottom-less most mornings (much to the chagrin of big sis). Then I've been putting him on the potty at intervals. We've had some moderate success and some major failures. This morning started out with a pee accident. Then about an hour later Nicky took his walker into the bathroom. When I went in after him has said "potty". Put him on the potty and he had a BM. Hooray!!! Call Daddy. Give Nicky a cookie

Less than an hour later again he says "potty". Put him on, he sits a while, strains a bit, says "all done". Not five minutes later he had another BM, this time on the porch (this is where the dog comes in.) SIGH. Then about 20 minutes later another BM. SIGH, SIGH.

And, yes he did have three BMs in less than two hours. That's part of the reason I'm pushing for potty training. We are in the midst of a work-up for Celiac. He had the blood work yesterday and I took a stool sample in today. (Had lots of collection opportunities.) Looking over Nicky's record, he hasn't gained any weight in the past 18 months, but has grown almost 2 inches. This is somewhat typical for toddlers but he's at the top of the DS charts for height but falling on the weight charts.

One of these days I will post some knitting. Been doing a fair amount, but lots of startitis.

Fine

"How are you?"

"Fine"

"And the kids?"

"Fine, good, great"

"How's Nicky doing?"

"Great"

Fine, good, great..

Most days I can say it and really mean it. Things are fine, good, great even. Lots of joy. But some days they just aren't and never will be. My child has disability, he's mentally retarded, how can things be really great?

How do you communicate to a casual acquaintance or even a good friend what it's really like? Mostly life's good but the dips in the road can be steep.

Been here before. Seems to be the latter part of the summer. Is it just having more time for reflection? The approach of Nicky's birthday? All the plans for the summer? This is going to be the summer Nicky walks, or has been for the past 3 summers. The approach of school and all the expected changes?

Looking forward to fall.

It's 11:30 and Nicky is still awake

Got to get rid of those naps, darn it.

Summer is Half Over & Pictures

Can't believe it, our summer is half over. We just finished up week 6 and have 5 more weeks left. Starting to get major anxiety about M.E. starting Middle School and Nicky starting at Coralwood.

Here are a bunch of pictures, from before school ended that I've been meaning to post.

All three after Nate's First Communion, they do clean up well


M.E. after Fifth Grade Graduation


10U Softball Champs:


Costal League Champs


Nicky and cousin Jenny

Reactions

Nicky has some stimming behaviors (arching his back, flapping hands, some vocalization) he exhibits when he's in a noisy crowded place, especially when he's tired. For the most part, I'm immune to the slightly lingering stares and the pitying smiles. But, it was the reaction of another child that hurt the most.

We were at a neighborhood Mexican restaurant recently. Nicky and I walked out into the lobby while the others finished their meals. There was a boy about 3 years old sitting on a bench and Nicky crawled over and then climbed up next to the boy. N started stimming. The boy took one look at Nicky, climbed down and hid behind his mother.

Sigh, perhaps I was wrong and the boy wasn't frightened by Nicky. I hope so. I so want him to have friendships with other children and not scare them. He was certainly well liked by the other children at school. They were always glad to see him. And the children in our neighborhood want to play with him.

Yummy!

Ever since the Boston Market near us closed we've been craving rotisserie chicken. My Mother's Day/Birthday gift was a new grill with a rotisserie attachment and rotisserie radiant burner. We've taken it out for a test-drive a few times. This was our result for Independence day dinner. I stuffed two chickens with cut-up lemon, and sage and rosemary from our garden. Rubbed the outsides with Masterpiece bar-b-cue rub. Let the grill do it's thing for nearly two hours and this was the result. Add some slaw and a few veggies. Voila! Dinner. One that everyone will eat. Believe me, that's an accomplishment in this house.

The McMansion Nextdoor

A view from our deck...



Need I say more?

Religion, Sprituality, & Ritual

I was raised Catholic but for a long time wasn't a practicing Catholic. When the kids came along from time to time husband & I talked about raising them in a religion but could never agree. Then two years ago, a friend of M.E.'s was going through RCIC after having been baptized in a protestant religion. We signed M.E. up. It wasn't really a whim but I looked on it as a little shove coming to push us in the right direction.*

I started going to Church again, because after all, couldn't ask M.E. to go alone. Suddenly, for the first time church was enjoyable something I looked forward to. It was a return home, to something familiar. Throughout the years I wasn't attending mass, I still felt spiritual but not necessarily religious. There are things about the Catholic hierarchy and organized religion that I don't totally believe. But, I love the comfort of the familiar ritual.

Mother-in-law's memorial service was held in the Presbyterian church she and FIL have attended for years. I was a nice service, but somewhat unfamiliar. It reminded me again of the comfort of familiar ritual in times of loss and sadness. I don't know what my children will believe but I hope at some future time they can have the same comfort in religion and ritual.

*I am reminded of the joke about the man in the flood who finally gets to heaven and asks G-d why he didn't save him. And G-d answers but I sent the neighbor in the boat, the helicopter, etc. That was one of our messages

Am I nuts?

Trying to potty train Nicky who's not mobile? He's been showing some signs of readiness: awareness of when he's peed, a reduction in negativity, a willingness to sit on the potty and he'd actually peed on the potty at school. But nothing at home. We're trying to sit him on the potty every 30 to 45 minutes. So far, no go (pun intended).

The other step to growing up is getting rid of naps. Currently, he'll nap 2 to 3 hours in the afternoon, but can do just as well without. When we were traveling last week he only napped when in his bed. Also, the last few times he's had a nap he has a tough time falling asleep. Maybe it's time.

Sad

My mother-in-law passed away last week. It wasn't unexpected, she was in congestive heart failure and had stopped eating. She was ready to go. The rest of us weren't quite so ready so it's been hard. The kids miss their MaMaw, my husband misses his mom, and my father-in-law misses his wife.

She had a massive heart attack nearly 16 years ago, so we were lucky to have those extra 16 years. Which meant seeing 2 sons get married and the birth of 6 grandchildren. I'm not sure she totally understood all of Nicky's issues but she was one of his champions.

My list friend who passed away last month died from a heart attack. She'd been having crushing chest pain which at least one Doctor thought might be an anxiety attack.

Did you know?

• That a coronary angiogram may not spot the more diffuse buildup of plaques that often forms in the smaller coronary arteries of women's hearts.



• Heart disease is the leading cause of death in women, and kills 8 times more women every year than breast cancer.



• Women tend to show up in the emergency rooms after much heart damage has already occurred because their symptoms are not those typically associated with a heart attack.



• Recent statistics have shown that the rate of heart disease has declined in men but not as much in women.

Signs of a heart attack in women:

• Neck, shoulder, upper back or abdominal discomfort


• Shortness of breath


• Nausea or vomiting


• Sweating


• Lightheadedness or dizziness


• Unusual fatigue

Not the crushing chest pain that men typically get.

Doin'?

Having a conversation with Nicky is a bit like a game of charades. He communicates with a combination of words, signs, gestures and acting out his point. His favorite movie right now is "Toy Story" and he's quite good at speaking the title. It's hard to resist him when he asks for it so well. Lately, he's taken to acting out the shows and movies he know well. Both while watching and afterward. He had us in stitches tonight with his imitation of Sid's dog Scud, pretending to be Woody lassoing, driving RC, and Buzz's "Too infinity and beyond."

His favorite conversation starter (and continuer) is "Doin'?" as in "what are you doing?" He'll ask it while I'm driving, cooking, etc. He'll ask it about characters in picture books. He'll ask his siblings. His version of "why." Tonight, he opened the bathroom door (another recent obsession - opening doors) and asked me "Doin'?" Sigh, no privacy anymore.

Loss

A mom on one of my due date lists died yesterday. It's hard to explain the loss. She wasn't part of my day to day REAL LIFE. But, she'd posted often on the list. I'll miss her voice. I grieve for her but, more importantly, for her children. God's peace Kristine.

LOL

anne\'s originals -- [noun]: A level headed person who always makes the wrong decision 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Neat Blog

I came across Paul's Blog, recently after finding his sister Jenna's petition.

Poor neglected blog

Sorry I've been absent. Typical end of the school year craziness plus some stress over Nicky's placement for next year, Nate's First Communion, Grandmother visiting and having a new puppy. We had the final IEP meeting (and I mean final, IEPs in our district are definitely a living and breathing document) of the year this morning and signed the papers to move Nicky from his current school to the preschool special ed center. We've agonized over the decision but I left the meeting happy & excited for next year. As part of the process we had a meeting with the director of elementary special ed and came away impressed with her commitment to having special ed kids in regular ed classrooms.

We also declined summer school instead I'm looking for private PT & ST. Nicky can now stand on his own if you trick him and is walking well holding onto one hand. Hopefully, he'll be walking by the time school starts.

Friends make teen feel like royalty

By GRACIE BONDS STAPLES
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 04/18/07

Melanie Barrett was a little girl, no more than 5 years old, when she first dreamt of being crowned prom queen.

It was an unlikely dream for a girl like Melanie, but anything can happen when you believe.

"I'm the queen," she often announced to her parents while growing up. "I'm the queen."

As she aged, her pronouncements intensified until finally last year Melanie was a junior at Pierce County High School and prom queen was within her reach. She got gussied up and went to the prom that year with her father on her arm and her dream neatly tucked in her heart. She would be queen.

But when the votes were tallied that night, Melanie Barrett hadn't even been nominated. She was crushed.

A classmate at Pierce tried her best to get Melanie a place in the homecoming parade, a sort of consolation prize, but even that didn't happen. There just wasn't enough time to get a convertible.

Carol Kodobocz, Melanie's mother, put her hopes on the senior year prom. Maybe then the odds would be different.

For most of her life, Melanie had managed to defy the odds stacked against her. Doctors diagnosed her with Down syndrome the day she was born at South Fulton Hospital in Atlanta; and when she was just 2, they discovered she had leukemia.

"They told us she wouldn't live through the weekend," Kodobocz said.

They forgot to tell Melanie that, of course, and so after two years of chemotherapy, she was cancer-free and ready to take on the world.

Three years ago, their family moved from McDonough on the south side of Atlanta to Blackshear in the southeastern corner of Georgia, thrusting Melanie into a whole new world, but she made friends quickly, especially in her home economics classes.

Each year, the seniors would leave Melanie behind, but the sweet girl with the sky-blue eyes had stolen their hearts. During breaks from college, they always found a moment to stop by to see Melanie. In between, they called or wrote to her on MySpace.

In all that time, Melanie held on to her dream. At 18, she was a senior, and now it was her turn. She would be the Pierce County High School Prom Queen.

This time, though, she couldn't have her father go with her. She wanted a "real date." Will you go with me? she asked Stephen Wall.

Peggy and Bill Wall adopted Stephen when he was only 2 days old. At 6 months old, doctors diagnosed him with cerebral palsy, a neurological disorder.

"I never imagined we'd be facing such terrible news," said Peggy Wall.

That afternoon, she and Stephen's father took a walk to discuss the diagnosis and their little boy's future. It was then, she said, that they released all their dreams for a "normal" life. Stephen would never drive. He would never go to college. He would never date.

He needed a wheelchair to navigate the world, but Stephen quickly claimed his place. He made friends just as quickly, becoming a favorite son of Pierce County High.

Students loved him as much as they loved Melanie. He loves driving golf carts and music, especially the Gaither Vocal Band.

Yes, the 18-year-old told Melanie. He'd be delighted to attend the prom with her.

Meanwhile, a group of students began working behind the scenes to make Melanie's dream come true.

Maybe, if her parents were willing to provide the head gear, Melanie and Stephen could be crowned the principal's king and queen, a special honor. Everyone thought it was a lovely idea.

On March 24, the night of the senior prom, Melanie and Stephen arrived at school along with a 100 or so other classmates dressed to the nines. Stephen in his black tux, Melanie in a sky-blue gown that matched her eyes.

It was a high moment in their lives. Too often, students with disabilities have to stay at home on prom night. Seldom does an entire school embrace them, but Pierce County High was different.

Sometime around 10 that night, the festivities kicked in high gear. Students lined up for the annual senior walk, when each couple has their moment in the spotlight.

Close to midnight, the music stopped. It was time to announce the 2007 court. Out of the eight students, four boys and four girls, only two of them would be king and queen.

A hush fell over the school gym. The announcer named the princes and princesses first and moved quickly to the king and queen.

Carol Kodobocz was sure he'd forgotten Melanie and Stephen.

Then she heard him call Melanie's name. The school gym filled with applause.

Noticing the confusion on Kodobocz's face, Melanie's teacher assured Carol that Melanie had really won. They voted her queen!

The announcer called Stephen's name next.

Did they vote for him, too? Kodobocz asked.

For as long as she could remember, she'd craved acceptance for her little girl, for all special needs kids. Now Kodobocz had it in abundance.

Melanie Barrett and Stephen Wall were indeed the Pierce County High School Prom Queen and King. Out of 180 seniors, only seven had not voted in their favor.

For the first time that night, Stephen got out of his wheelchair and, on his knees, danced with Melanie.

At breakfast the next morning, Melanie wore the crown and the sash announcing her victory. Instead of cold cereal, she demanded bacon and eggs, and when her father suggested she clean the kitchen, she balked.

"Excuse me," she said, "Queen here."

A Solution to Childcare Woes?

Nope, it's a home for our new puppy Daisy

Nate-isms

"You don't care what I want, you only care about what's best for me."
-Usually shouted at the top of the lungs when told it's time to stop playing video games or any other fun activity

"I think I have a VCR memory, but the tape is only a few seconds long, and it works better if I close my eyes."
-Following a discusion of photographic memory

"You didn't know that tarantulas take 4 to 8 years to mature, and you even went to college."
-After a unit at school on spiders

Progress?

Lately, Nicky has been standing and cruising the furniture a lot more on his own. This is a major improvement for a child who would hold his legs out at a 90 degree angle rather than put them on the floor.

There is hope!

21 Things I Love About Nicky

In honor of World Down Syndrome Day 3/21

1. His eyes, they are the most remarkable color, hazel but with brown around the pupil and blue around the outside.
2. His laugh.
3. The way he says "Cool" at things that amaze him.
4. The way he says "Whoa" when were running to fast.
5. The way he crosses his arms & turns his head away to express displeasure.
6. Watching him try to do whatever Nate is doing.
7. That gap between his toes, so kissable.
8. His determination to do things Nicky's way in Nicky's time.
9. Watching Nicky groove to a beat.
10. Listening to him sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, little star."
11. Watching him sing "Itsy, Bitsy, Spider."
12. Listening to Nicky say "Wow" when something amazes him.
13. Those hugs, he melts right into you and that little pat on the shoulder.
14. That Nicky loves sleep almost as much as Mommy & Daddy.
15. Tucking him into the crib, how he attacks his pillow with such gusto.
16. When he says "Bob, DVD, again please."
17. Waking up to happy shouts & singing every morning.
18. Reading "Green Eggs and Ham" for the 100th time.
19. Peaking in, to see Nicky, face down, asleep on a book.
20. Hearing him laugh at something Nate has done.
21. Just having him a part of our lives and all the wonderful people he's brought.

Encounters

We went out to dinner tonight to Smokey Bones. As we were walking in another family was coming out. After our kids had tromped in and theirs had tromped out there was that awkward moment when the adults try to figure out who should go next. The father paused a second too long. I looked up and in his arms was a beautiful little girl with DS. He was looking at Nicky and I understood why. A look of recognition passed between us and the moment was broken.

I never know what to say when I encounter another family with a child with DS. Certainly, I don't want to be wrong but I always feel I should say something, or something more.

As we were walking out we ran into a family we know from the kids' school. They have twin daughters in M.E.'s class and a son with DS who's almost 14. We chatted a few minutes and drove home. On the way home it hit me that 30 or so years ago, all three of these children might well have been in an institution. So good to be living now.

'Cary

Scary, or as Nicky would say 'Cary

Say Yes

There are several kids in Nicky's class who are bilingual or only speak Spanish and Nicky seems to have picked up a word or two.

Mom: "Nicky, do you want a snack?"

Nicky: (Nods his head.)

Mom: "Nicky, use your words, say yes if you want a snack."

Nicky: "Si" then makes the sign for cookies.

Didn't there used to be a house there?

Our nextdoor neighbors have decided to go a step beyond the tear-down-to-the-studs and/or add-on remodel. They've torn down there house and are building a new larger house. The house was torn down in under two hours more than a month ago (to the great enjoyment of most of the elementary schoolage kids in the neighborhood.) Now, it's a great conversation topic when we're out in the yard. I have to squelch my natural smart alec tendencies when asked "Didn't there used to be a house there?"

Like..

"Oh, my god, you're right, I wonder where it went?"
or
"House, what house? there was never a house there."

Then there was the woman who was walking by last week and insisted that she'd been out walking a few days before and the house was still there. Now, it's now my house, but I do remember when it came down, it was a pretty big event.

Our neighborhood is a close knit, established, one and the reactions of the pretty much cover the spectrum: anger, envy, disbelief, worry about taxes going up, worrying about resale value, etc. I'm sure things will settle down soon.

Nice article

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/ngkids/0612/index.html

Melissa Riggio is the daughter of Steve Riggio, the CEO of Barnes & Noble

I have a friend who....

I first discovered online communities about 13 years ago looking for answers after suffering 4 miscarriages. In the infertility groups on usenet I found a community of women who were in the same situation. Because, sadly, miscarriage and infertility isn't something that's often talked in "real life" I found the needed support online.

When I became pregnant with my daughter I joined a "due date list", May '96 to be exact. May '96 is a group of, mostly women, who were due with babies in May 1996. They are still a part of my life today, more than 11 years later. Checking email is a part of my routine, and these women have become a part of my life. With this group, and the Oct '98 moms, I've shared the challenges and joys of being a mom. It's become common in our house when faced with a dilemma to "Ask the May Moms." When talking to real life friends I'll often say "I have a friend who..." and the friend is a May or Oct mom who's experienced something similar.

When Nicky was born friends from my list sent gifts and even chipped in to hire a personal chef to provide meals for my family. When another mom was diagnosed with breast cancer we made a quilt. When a mom was displaced because of Katrina we sent gift cards, clothing, & toys. When a husband committed suicide we sent flowers & gifts. When a mom died due to pregnancy we mourned together. We've weathered all the things "real life" friends do.

Sadly, I hadn't found that for Nicky. I joined a due date list but when he was born I unsubbed without ever telling why. I tried a few existing lists and found some support but in one case the parents on that list mostly had older kids and another there was just too much arguing and flaming. But, I'm starting to find it through the bloggers I read. There are a number out there with kids close to Nicky's age. Or their kids are younger, but the parents are experiencing many of the things I have.

Anyway, thanks to all you bloggers out there!

Re-Adjustments

When I was pregnant with Nicky and found out he was a boy, I thought I knew what to expect. We already had Nate who is a fall boy. Following Nate's trail Nicky's early life was mapped out, where he'd go to preschool, what classes he'd be in perhaps even the teachers would be the same. The first adjustment came when Nicky was born 3 days before his due date instead of a week after. Oh, yeah, and that little DS thing. But, I thought he'd still go to the same preschool, just a little later and take things slower. But he'd still go there and then onto the same elementary school as the big kids. Nicky turns 3 and still isn't walking, the preschool won't take him. So he's in a self contained classroom. Something, I didn't want. But he's happy there and doing well.

We had an IEP meeting this morning. The good news was he's met many of the goals we set in September and they need to be revised. Part of the meeting was to look at inclusion options. The bad news is he doesn't meet the criteria for the preschool inclusion. Another readjustment. Wondering if he'll go to the same elementary school as Nate or will he still be stuck in self contained. He needs more maturity, needs to be potty trained, to interact more with his peers. He's about half-way there on the list of criteria. There's always hope, he has 6 months until the next school year starts and 18 until Kindergarten.

He's also showing his independence in ways that doesn't please his therapists & teachers. Throwing things when he doesn't want to do a task and/or scooting away. There was talk of an FBA and a BIP. Not, yet. He's definitely got a mind of his own.

Tonight, with a bit of prompting he said "Want water please, mama." And "thank you mama" with no prompting when he got the water. Also saying "Candy" and "Peppermint patty" very clearly. It's all about motivation.

More FOs

Sorry, I've been neglecting the blog. Anyway, here are a bunch of things I've finished recently.

Some yarn dyed with Wilton's food color







Adamas Shawl from Knit Picks








Cotton Washcloth












Diamond Fantasy Washcloth adapted from Sivia Harding's Diamond Fantasy shawl,










prototype for a baby blanket








Scarf, hat, & mittens
My own design Colourmart DK cashmere















Nora Gaughan from the Winter 01/02 Interweave knits
Yarn: Lion Brand Woolease

Connections

For Christmas, Grandma completed Nicky's collection of Signing Time Videos. We've been watching them over the past month or so. Last night, we were looking at Nicky's big book of things that go. When we got to the fire engine page, Nicky made the sign for Fireman! I'm just thrilled, I love it when he makes connections between to situations. I also love, love, love Signing Time

Walking

Tammy, Nicky is 4 so he should be walking, but he's not. Our second PT (one of the good ones) had some facts & figures. The median age for a child with DS walking is 2, so half of the kids are walking by then. And 90% are by three.

When Nicky was just pulling up at age 2, I held onto the 90% figure. Then he wasn't walking by 3, and then 4... At this point he's really close. He walks well holding onto our fingers. And he has a walker at school that he runs down the halls in and away from his teachers.

He was mobile relatively early, rolling at 6 weeks and commando crawling before a year. The early mobility may have hurt in that he could get where he wanted to without walking. At this point he can scoot on his bottom faster than I can walk.

He did have some pretty major sensory issues with his feet. It wasn't that long ago, if we picked him up by the arms, he'd put his feet out straight in front just like a gymnast on the still rings. Because of this he has amazing stomach muscles and strong arms from the scooting. Hmm, Special Olympics here we come!

I do know that he will walk when he's ready but as Jennifer said you wish you could look back from the future.

Things are better although, I think we're in for a battle with the school about Nicky's placement for next year. The lead teacher tried to tell me the type of program I want doesn't exist and then that we're not in the right attendance area.

Wallowing

I'm having one of those shoulda, woulda, coulda, what if? days where I dwell on how life could (or should be different). Anyway, I think it was brought on by a bunch of things...

We are starting to make plans for Nicky's next school year. Right now he's in a self contained special ed classroom. He's doing very well, but there are a number of very verbal kids in his class. I want him to at least try inclusion. But, his teacher says he doesn't talk much during circle time but will in one-on-one situations. If we put him in an inclusion setting will he shut down or will he thrive? I think there will also be a bit of resistance by the powers that be since he's not walking yet.

Wondering if he'll ever walk. I know he's made progress since last year but he still doesn't want to walk. Obsessing if we'd had a better PT in the beginning, if he'd be walking now. Of course, until recently, he'd tuck his legs under or stick them straight out in front rather than putting them on the floor.

No matter the school situation, I'll have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I know this would have happened anyway but this leads too..

Obsessing about the 3 miscarriages between Nate & Nicky. If I hadn't lost the first s/he would be in kindergarten now, the one chance to have 3 kids in the same school.

And finally, my family is planning a reunion for next summer. But they are planning it for the week before our school starts, when I'd have to register for the three schools. Getting a bit of grief about it. But part of me is relieved because my brothers have boys close to Nicky's age and my cousins do to. Seeing them is somewhat bittersweet.

Sigh, ok, enough.

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Another Breakthrough

Nicky has a tendency to only say one syllable of a two or three syllable word. For the longest time water has been wa-er. But tonight in the bathtub M.E. got his to say water very clearly, with a very strong 't' sound. Yay! Nicky!

Nicky's New Skills

Nicky now has the ability to produce tears at will, big drippy ones, and figured out how to use them for maximum effect to get his way. We were snuggling on our bed when Nate and worked his way in between us. Rather than hitting or pulling at Nate, Nicky stuck out is lip and started to cry.

He's also figured out the Toddler Rules. Everything he sees is now "mine." We've taught the big kids to trade rather than taking things out of his hands. Now, if you have something he wants, he'll first try yelling "mine", then if that doesn't work, he'll bring you something and say "trade".

And he's using a lot more two and three word phrases such as:
Help me (and the constant variation "help me mama")
Bob DVD TV
I don't want to (picked up from school)

I am so pleased with these developments. For too long he was so passive, not getting upset when something was taken away. And the trading really shows the start of reasoning.

Another FO - Needle Felting

Forgot about this one in the Christmas rush. I made this for my neighbor who took me along on her Chico's spree.

And now for some finished objects

This year for Christmas I made a bunch of felted oven mitts to give as gifts to friends, family, & teachers.






For my Mom & Knittalk swapmate








For my neighbor an oven mitt & pot holder










For M.E.'s teacher who's an Ohio State Alum













A whole batch, the orange was for Nate's teacher a Florida State Fan