The funny thing is wishing away DS didn't enter my mind at that moment, rather I'd love to have a sister for M.E. When Nicky was born, I heard other parents say they wouldn't wish away their child's DS. I couldn't understand this thought. But now, having DS is such a part of him, I just can't imagine him any other way. Does this mean I'm finally starting to accept it?
Monday, October 23, 2006
A couple of nights ago at dinner we were talking about wishes. M.E. was reading Children of the Lamp and The Blue Djinn of Babylon, stories about Djinns, or Genies. A discussion of what we'd wish for ensued and the kids said the typical things, video games, etc. Kim wished that Nicky didn't have DS. M.E. commented that you have to phrase your wishes very carefully, as the genie might take away Nicky's DS and give him something worse, not make him a typical child.
When Nicky was born Nate's favorite book was Flap Your Wings. It's the story of a pair of birds who come home to find a strange egg in their nest. They are quite sure it's not their egg, but they keep the egg warm, feed the baby that hatches and teach him to fly. The baby turns out not to be a bird at all.
On one of the many nights we sat at Nicky's bedside while he was in the NICU, Kim said "I feel a little like mother and father bird, we have this creature in our nest, he's not quite what we expected but he's in our nest so we have to feed
him and teach him how to fly." Suddenly I knew that everything was going to be all right. And it has been.
I've been thinking about this post by Dr.Couz, since I read it. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. The sentiments she expresses aren't any different than most women feel. And from what I've heard in her blog Dr. VitaminK is a caring and excellent doctor. I guess it bothers me that a medical professional is expressing the opinion. But, it really shouldn't since she is first ,and foremost a woman, just expressing feelings most women would express. I certainly was afraid and didn't want a disabled child. I was 40 when Nicky was born, our AFP results came back with an elevated risk for Down Syndrome, 1 in 60 vs. 1 in 80 for a woman of 40. The odds were with us, or so we thought so we went ahead. But in the back of our minds was the possibility of DS. I guess I was more afraid of an Amnio than DS. The day Nicky was born was the best and worst of days. Life is about risk and some are just worth taking.