Wallowing

I'm having one of those shoulda, woulda, coulda, what if? days where I dwell on how life could (or should be different). Anyway, I think it was brought on by a bunch of things...

We are starting to make plans for Nicky's next school year. Right now he's in a self contained special ed classroom. He's doing very well, but there are a number of very verbal kids in his class. I want him to at least try inclusion. But, his teacher says he doesn't talk much during circle time but will in one-on-one situations. If we put him in an inclusion setting will he shut down or will he thrive? I think there will also be a bit of resistance by the powers that be since he's not walking yet.

Wondering if he'll ever walk. I know he's made progress since last year but he still doesn't want to walk. Obsessing if we'd had a better PT in the beginning, if he'd be walking now. Of course, until recently, he'd tuck his legs under or stick them straight out in front rather than putting them on the floor.

No matter the school situation, I'll have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I know this would have happened anyway but this leads too..

Obsessing about the 3 miscarriages between Nate & Nicky. If I hadn't lost the first s/he would be in kindergarten now, the one chance to have 3 kids in the same school.

And finally, my family is planning a reunion for next summer. But they are planning it for the week before our school starts, when I'd have to register for the three schools. Getting a bit of grief about it. But part of me is relieved because my brothers have boys close to Nicky's age and my cousins do to. Seeing them is somewhat bittersweet.

Sigh, ok, enough.